One of the things I do when I’m not working is music. I have been singing in my church choir for about five years. Three years ago, I started playing the flute again after a 33-year break. I played flute from 4-12 grade and planned on majoring in music. Paths diverged and I made choices that led me to get an MPH and a certification in childbirth, then lactation. I don’t regret it for a moment but having music so prevalent in my life again has been life-giving.
The other day, we had finished rehearsing for Mass and were sitting around talking when one of the vocalists said, “You know, the more dissonant the chord, the better it resolves.” Then he added, “You know those occasions when you end the song on a dissonant chord? Most people will resolve it in their mind even though we left it hanging.” I contemplated what he was saying and told him maybe he could use that as a metaphor for life.
If you know nothing about music and I’ve lost you, let me give a very brief and hopefully adequate explanation. A chord is a grouping of notes. We like consonant chords because they are pleasing to the ear. Dissonant chords are harsh and grating. But dissonance has its place because music is telling a story and the choice of notes elicits emotions. In most music, the end is resolved. Yes, there are occasions when you are left hanging.
So, what does this have to do with my monthly note about ICEA and membership? This conversation really got me thinking about how getting through hard things helps us to find joy and beauty in a more intense way than we might have without it. Pregnancy is hard. Birth is very hard. Breastfeeding can be hard. Parenting is a constant up and down of hard, easy, challenging, beautiful, and so many other descriptions.
The same goes for all of you working in birth and parenting. There are many uphill battles, sometimes less than ideal schedules, and for the doulas, really long hours. But for all of it there is beauty in the end. I personally love teaching; there is just nothing like it for me. But sometimes, it doesn’t go well, or I question if I really know anything. Today, I ran into a wonderful person who used to be a postpartum nurse at my hospital but left for a clinic job when she had kids. We were chatting for a minute and teaching came up. She said that when she is on “all clinic meeting” and I am on for updates, it makes her happy because she remembers how much I’ve taught her over the years. It was a very similar feeling to those times when you run into a former patient/client and they tell you how much you did for them. It’s that confirmation that you are doing good things.
All of us work with different types of patients/clients and families due to our roles and place of work. I work in an academic medical center so we have it all. This includes our substance use clinic patients and our patients who are coming from prison to receive care. Last week I had the opportunity to attend a conference where the OB who runs the substance use clinic spoke. I’ve always been proud of the fact that we serve and care for these families. It can be easy to judge their situations. This physician never set out to work with these patients it was an accidental occurrence that she started seeing them and then grew this clinic to what it is today. As she was presenting I couldn’t help but hear the compassion and the dignity in the way she spoke about these women and their babies.
This is definitely an example of doing hard things. These women are dealing with some pretty significant issues. They aren’t always easy patients; their babies are frequently dealing with withdrawing. The staff of this clinic and our postpartum nurses are doing their best to figure out how to give the best care; sending them back out to the world with resources and skills to cope. Sometimes it works well; sometimes it doesn’t.
As I close, know that I am proud of all of us who are doing something to make this world a better place. One birth, one baby, one family at a time.
Our board will be meeting in a few short weeks to do our strategic planning for the organization. We will work hard, and we will have personal time to get to know each other better. We hope you will all attend our Annual Meeting in December to see our goals and find out what we’ve been doing.
Elizabeth Kirts, MPH, ICCE, IBCLC, RLC
